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Good morning ladies! Week one of our series The “List”! We’ll be talking about when godly women practice self-control and modesty and how those qualities will not only benefit us, but our future husbands as well.

What exactly is self-control?

I’m focusing on the self-control of our emotions. When a godly woman has self-control, she knows when to bite her tongue when she’d rather fight back. A godly woman has self-control when she would much rather throw caution to the wind and party hard. She knows what her boundaries are, and she doesn’t tempt them.

Proverbs 25:28 says “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Without self-control, we have no defenses. It’s so easy for the enemy to slip in and make chaos.

In Song of Solomon, the author states: “Do not awaken love until it so desires” three times. There’s a reason for that. Have you ever manipulated a situation just so you could talk to your crush? I know I have.

Have you ever liked someone so much that you tried to act like you were in a relationship with that person even though you weren’t? Yup. Check.

Have you ever wanted someone’s love so much that you shared all of your burdens with that one person in hope that they would comfort you? Yeah, I’m totally losing.

Shall we repeat it again? Ladies, DO NOT AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT SO DESIRES. You’ll just make a mess of things. I’m speaking from experience here. Wait on God’s timing. I know it’s hard, but I promise your waiting will not be in vain.

It’s important that we have self-control when it comes to our emotions. Ephesians 4:26-27 says “In your anger do not sin…do not give the devil a foothold.” It’s crucial that we not let the devil get a hold of our emotions — the wild ups and downs we feel in our day-to-day lives. Letting him in and wreck us.

Do y’all know that the Bible has some pretty cool advice? Who knew, right? My mind is blown right now.

“Fools give full vent to rage, but the wise bring calm in the end” (Proverbs 29:11). Can I just say that it’s super easy to “give full vent to [my] rage”? Yeah, I’m having one of those moments where I’m feeling convicted, but my pride is freaking out.

This will blow your minds: “Those who consider themselves religious yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:26).
Woah. Let that sink in.

Worthless? So, when I don’t have self-control, or I let my emotions run like me running to Krispy Kreme when I hear that they have pumpkin spice glazed doughnuts, I’m deceiving myself and my faith is worthless?

Ouch. The truth hurts.

One of the Fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5 is self-control. Also, Titus 2:5 states that women should have self-control. There must be a reason that all throughout the Bible it’s mentioned time and time again to have control of yourself, whether that’s with emotions, your tongue, lust, or food.

Ladies, our future husbands don’t need us to be overly emotional like a pregnant lady in labor all of the time. Does that mean that it’s not ok to cry? No! It’s ok to cry. It’s natural even. When we have self-control, we’re telling the enemy that we’re confident in who we are as daughters of the King and we know how to handle issues by giving them to God.

So, what about modesty?

Modesty isn’t just covering up our bodies. It’s respecting yourself enough to say “hey, my body is only for my future husband to see.”

So, we can’t be confident in what the Good Lord gave us? Of course we can! But girls, is it more important to be confident in the way God made you, or is it more important to be confident in cleavage, makeup, and tight leggings?

“Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).

Modesty also goes with the heart. If we’re modest on the outside, but not on the inside, people will see through us really quickly. We can dress modestly all we want, but a woman who does not reveal her modesty within her heart hasn’t made any changes.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry and find clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

If God is the One who gives us our future husbands, we can bet that they will be men who fear the Lord. Men who fear the Lord do not want their wives “throwing pearls to pigs”, they want to unclasp our pearl necklaces themselves (Matthew 7:6).

“I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds…” (1 Timothy 2:9-10). It’s important that we value ourselves, our future husbands, and our faith over how “in-style” we are or how pretty we look. Does this mean that it’s wrong to like fashion? Of course not! We just need to make sure that our love of fashion doesn’t become an idol over our relationship with Jesus.

Ladies, we are daughters of the most High King. Having self-control and being modest isn’t about obeying rules. This does not prevent you from going to heaven. Having self-control and practicing modesty is about revealing respect for ourselves and our future husbands, showing humility, and becoming holy.

As we go about our week, let us reflect on the Scripture. We are royalty, let’s act and dress like it.

M.A.

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