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I can handle a lot of things if I’m allowed 45 seconds to panic or cry first. Despite my anxiety, I have no problem with holding a lot of responsibility for many things. But when I think I understand what God is saying to me & misunderstand Him completely, that shakes me to my core.

My God is my rock, my shelter, the reason I get up every morning, and my best friend. When there is miscommunication between us and people close to us, it can either be something easy to fix or very disastrous. When it comes to our relationship with God, communication and trust are key. Recently, I went through a situation where I thought I heard God loud and clear. I had been praying, leaving the situation alone in order for God to work in it instead of trying to control things, I sought advice from godly people, and I asked for signs that I knew only God could understand and do. Everything seemed like I was moving in the right direction — God’s will for me a certain area of my life. However, that was not the case at all.

I have trouble trusting — whether it be trusting people, words, or anything. God knows that I hate feeling vulnerable and I often have a lack of hope for my own desires. I trust that God will take care of everyone else in my life: their dreams, healing, needs, etc., but for some reason I have a hard time trusting others when it comes to my life even if their influence is positive. When I get a blessing I remind myself that it could be taken away or that good things never last. Why is that? Why do I, the girl who has a blog about trusting in the Lord while waiting for His glory in my life to be shown, have a blog about trusting Him in the waiting when it’s an intense struggle for me to trust anyone?

Sometimes, I think we (yes, we; I know there are more out there) think of God as a stern or melancholy monk who doesn’t allow His children any happiness if it doesn’t come from Him or serving others. I’ve certainly felt that even though for a long time I’ve denied it. When I went through this recent challenge in my life of misunderstanding what God was saying to me, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Am I destined for pain?” I cried out, “I have worshiped You, seemed You, given You all of the credit, seekers out godly advice, prayed, read Your word, and still You don’t speak to me clearly? And if You are speaking clearly it’s my fault because I’m some dumb human, isn’t it?

Where are You? Your word says that I need to only ask and it will be given. I’m asking for something that not only brings me happiness, but brings You glory!”

Can anyone relate? You want to know God, to seek Him, for Him to speak to you, and for Him to do miracles in your life. But nothing is happening or you misinterpreted what He was saying about one thing that He meant for something completely different. You try, try, try, and try, but you don’t feel His presence, don’t hear His clear voice, don’t see a clear sign, and the Bible is just making everything so confusing, but nothing is happening or something happened and it was the opposite of what you understood to be from God.

Nothing hurts more than having hope that the Lord will grant you your heart’s deepest desire and it doesn’t happen like you believed God said it would.

“I don’t understand!” I shout, “I trusted You! I’ve given my life to You! I’ve been bullied and shamed for faithfully following You and this is what You do? You wave my deepest desire in my face and say, ‘sike! Just messin’ with ya!’”

My dear sisters in Christ, let me tell y’all something that will never, EVER, change: it doesn’t matter how we feel, what situations we’re going through, if we lack talent or capabilities, where we come from, who we were in our past, or if our relationship is as strong as the person speaking in tongues in the pew next to us, God’s love for us will NEVER change.

Let me say it again: God’s love for us will NEVER, EVER, change. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done, haven’t done, will or won’t do. God is good, faithful, trustworthy, patient, powerful, and loves you so much that He sent His Son to take your punishment.

Isiah 30:18 says, “the Lord longs to be gracious to you.” When we misunderstand God, that doesn’t mean that it’s over, it just means there was a little detour and God is bringing us back to the path He wants us on. He WANTS to give you your hearts deepest desire. He WANTS to shower you with love and affection. But we have to let Him and trust that He knows what we’ll love and desire one hundred times more even if we don’t know we do.

I quote this all of the time, but I can never remember where I heard it, but “God is the inventor of love, so He knows how to love us best.”

Yes, I got what God was saying to me completely wrong. Yes, I was crushed and my world almost fell apart because I was hurt because of the miscommunication. Yes, I cried. But God was there. He caught my tears in His hands and declared that He hurts more than I do when my heart is broken. He didn’t mean for there to be miscommunication, that just sometimes happens. It doesn’t mean all is lost.

One of my most favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis is, “It is safe to tell the pure in heart that they shall see God, for the pure in heart want to” (The Problem of Pain). God knows our hearts and He understands that we have trust issues. The last thing He wants is for us to lose trust in Him. If we truly want to see God — to hear Him, know Him, and to do His will, there is NOTHING that can stop Him from working in our lives if we let Him do so.

“God never withholds blessings out of spite, but out of wisdom” (Elizabeth Elliot). We need to get up, dust ourselves off, take a deep breath, and begin trusting Him again. He is good. More than good.

I misunderstood God in this particular event, but that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that way. If we believe that God can let His Son die on a cross and come back to life three days later, we sure as heck can believe He’s going to work in our lives not only for our good, but for His glory and the good of the people around us.

God is the inventor of love. He’s got you. He’s got me. He’s got the whole of eternity under control. And if we trust Him and serve Him, He will blow our socks off with how much He loves us. So, have hope. There will be happiness again. Keep going. Keep seeking. Keep asking. Keep trusting.

God bless,

M.A.

P.S. Here are some Bible verses to help encourage you: Hebrews 11, 7:25; Matthew 7:7; John 14:13; James 1:17
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