Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. Let’s just say that life has not been going my way. To be honest, I have been questioning my God-given purpose and how it connects with what He wants me to do after I graduate from college this May. I’ve been struggling with self-worth and where my identity is found.
So, last semester, I was at church and my crush was praised in the middle of service for all of his accomplishments. I’m sitting there wondering how the heck would I be good enough for him because I haven’t done half the things he’s done. I called my mom crying, “I’ve become a recluse. My anxiety is ruining my life. What have I accomplished? What’s wrong with me? There’s no hope for me.”
But where is all of this coming from? Is that what God’s Word says? Have I been getting it wrong the entire time? Have I been preaching the Word, but not believing it when it says I am a cherished child of God? Multiple things come to mind:
When I am weak, He is strong.
I’ve had an unhealthy view of God’s grace. I thought I believed that God’s grace is unconditional, but I’ve been living as it is conditional. The Bible is very clear: when we are weak, God is strong. His grace is made PERFECT in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 2:10). He died for our hopeless state (Galatians 3:20), so why are we allowing our former hopeless states to have control over our lives when Jesus already died for it and crushed the snake with His heel?
God is greater than our hearts.
My favorite Bible verse of all time is 1 John 3:20, “when our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and He knows everything.” I really should get that tattooed on my arm or write it on a note card to take with me wherever I go because, man, do I need a reminder on a daily basis. Our hearts condemn us all the time. It is so easy for us to think nasty things about ourselves, ya know? “I wish I was that accomplished” or “I can’t believe I just did that” or “what’s wrong with me?”
My identity isn’t in my accomplishments.
The Apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians that he counts everything as garbage for the sake of Christ (3:7-11). Paul had a lot to boast about, too. His lineage comes from the Jewish tribe of Benjamin, he was circumcised, a leading religious leader, and followed the law flawlessly (3:4-6). No one was more of an outstanding Jewish citizen than him, but he disregarded all of that when he began to preach Christ’s message. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free (Galatians 3:28). We are all on the same level, the same playing field, the same common ground.What have I accomplished? I’ve accomplished love, loyalty, steadfastness, wisdom, intelligence, kindness, courage.
My identity isn’t in my anxiety disorder.
Having to tell all of my professors that I have anxiety disorder at the beginning of each semester basically stamps the words “I’m a freak” on my forehead from the start. It is easy of me to feel ashamed of my anxiety disorder, which debilitates my mind. This disorder affects my daily life so much, that I sometimes wonder if this is all that I really am: just a struggling young girl with a mental illness. That is a lie from the devil himself. Where in God’s holy Word does it say that He identifies His children by their mistakes? Where in His holy Word does it say that He calls His children by anything else other than who they are, His children?
My identity isn’t in the fact that I’m a Christian.
Jesus Christ did NOT die and rise again so we could parade around town saying we’re Christians. We’re not called to just be a part of a religious group, but the body of Christ. I hear people say they’re Christians and it means absolutely nothing. Jack-squat. Zero. Zilch. Why would our identity be found something so fragile when we belong to the resurrected body of the living King?
We are children of God. We are not of this world. This isn’t our home. In the end, none of this matters.
Our identity isn’t in our race, gender, age, occupation, social media accounts, schools, what the old people at church think, what professors think about. What clothes we wear. The color of our hair. What cars we drive. How much money our parents make. Our major. If our crushes like us back. Our singleness & lack of a love life.
We are loved. We are cherished. The King of kings & Lord of lords loves us to our cores. He wants us. We’re enough for Him.